Monday, January 6, 2014

A Waste of Time of the Apocalypse

  The end of days, revelations, Ragnarok, the era of Mad Max (before Thunderdome), a large chunk of the universe is obsessed with the concept of the end of the world. Doomsday preparation is an industry in the United Sates and thriving more each day with the advent of the reality shows devoted to it. But what really happens when the world ends in a whimpering of it's former self. I say nothing, because it will never end.
  Let me explain: The "world ending" isn't the concept of the actual Earth ceasing to exist and all life on the planet dying (at least with what I am referring to). The concept I am blogging about is the breakdown of society. It's the civilized world going completely to shit and being replaced by chaos on the extreme that it requires gates and guns to be the protection, and savior of everything we hold dear. This comes off to me as a little crazy ("BatShit" is the actual term used in place of "little"), and self serving to certain murderous fantasies of those that prescribe to the concept of total societal breakdown.
  Protection of a person's home is one thing, I understand that completely, but mass stockpiling weapons and ammunition is past my grasp of home security. Another theory I will throw out is this: Some citizens have a fantasy of murder and want the freedom to do so. The only way to obtain this liberty to legally (a breakdown of law makes everything legal) take a life is if the human race is thrust into complete and total apocalypse. Issues that come up against this are that it doesn't seem that anywhere in history a complete and total breakdown of the basic tenets of society have existed. Sure, there has been parts of countries, that were unstable to begin with, where lawlessness became rampant. But people naturally flee from that sort of violence and instability in droves (look at Africa once in a while). They move towards law and order, for a better life, when their world goes through the proverbial 'dogs anus'. Our natural instincts are for a better life, it doesn't matter who or where you are.
  The human spirit and creating a better lace for those who come after us is what most strive for. I do. My children will inherit a better world because of the way I treat my existence. Hopefully they do the same thing because of the example that is set for them. Hopefully.

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Christmas in the arctic...

It's cold outside, the wind is blowing, snow is drifting on the roads and I am working.  The world is right where it needs to be and it is going to be all right.
Stuck (voluntarily) in the northern oilfields for Christmas makes a person appreciate the world around them and the one that is further away (family). I deserve none of the friends that keep me sane, or the family that is waiting for me to return in a week, but that is what was given to me. I am thankful for all of it.
The wirld is a better place today and we are all better people. My hope is that it continues past the holiday, even if it is only a minutiae of the way it is now. Merry Christmas.

Friday, December 20, 2013

Wednesday, makes me sad...

I work out of town for two weeks at a time. The nice part of this is the two week vacation that I get every month. Having the money to do so is nice also. Having a job that I enjoy 99% of the time is great. The only issue that keeps popping up is the dread of leaving.
  Truth is, I really like my existence at home. My boys are really great to be around (not all of the time, but enough to make it worth while). I never appreciated the calmness and security of being home when I was there every night and weekend.
Now I am at work for both of the holidays and it is a stressor. The main thing isn't being gone for Christmas and New year's day, that can be done any time (and it's cheaper after the first of the year). It's missing the greatest time of the year, Christmas vacation. I love just hanging out and existing with both of the reasons that I do what I do. That is all for now.

Monday, December 16, 2013

I Am Funnier In Person.

  I make people laugh, not professionally (unless you count trying to create a fun workplace), but more on a personal level. Having actual jokes isn't my strong point, though I do have a few that I can't seem to recall at the correct times (now being one of those).
  Fundamentally funny people don't really tell the traditional type joke. It's more of a play towards the audience or an inside joke from the "comedian" that they share with the rest of us (Thank you, Bob Saget). I try to be more improvisational and cultural knowledge based, with a touch (or dump truck load) of vulgarity and shock value. Misdirection and puns, mostly. Can I be funny when I plan it? The answer is a frightful "no". There are times that I find something hilarious and share with others but most of it is off the cuff.
  Why am I telling you this? (if there is someone reading, which I highly doubt.)
  The short answer is midgets. The more accurate one is that I need to write something and this was on my mind. I want to write and it is my dream to do so. The only issue is the lack of motivation that I possess and I am afraid that Top Gear UK is going to start any moment and my attention will be glued to the things that will never be done if motivation isn't forced.
  Why is it that my mind runs amok with countless things at inopportune times, yet now the slate is clean and my own personal zen state is reached. I guess that forced motivation is a way to forget the problems that I create in my own mind. The need for an outlet is outweighed by starting and having nothing to expel.

Thursday, December 12, 2013

Feeling down...

It's wierd. I'm sitting at a carwash waiting to make my new truck shiny and pretty, yet I am depressed.  I have no idea why, it should be a pretty good day. I am about to go work out, then grab lunch with the Mrs. Other activities are planned and I like not having the time to wallow in the murkiness of depression. 

I tell myself it will be a good day and hope I will induce happiness with exhaustion. Maybe it will be the deluxe wash for my soul.

Sunday, December 8, 2013


This is me, wallowing in the awesomeness that God, or whatever supermarket deity, has created. I am at home on a moderately warm Sunday (30º to be exact, or approximate. I don't have a fact checking department. Yet.)
Have a fantastic day!

Am I back?


Saturday, November 6, 2010

Wow, I suck at updating (and downdating)

Some say that the world is a vampire, I am not one of those people.  Some say life is what you put into it, I am not one of those people.  Some say home is where your heart is, that one is probably true.  Some say you are what you eat, unless what you eat defends itself by eating you.

Monday, November 16, 2009

10 Word Review: Uncharted 2: Among Thieves

You don't own a PS3? Buy one.  Play this game!

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Gran Turismo 5: Epilogue Review*

Welcome to the fast paced world of racing.  This months review is for the much anticipated game Gran Turismo 5's conclusion that wasn't shipped with the game, Gran Turismo 5: Epilogue.  Unlike it's 2 predecessors (GT5:Prologue and GT5) this game includes everything that wasn't included in both editions.  And it's F-A-N-T-A-S-T-I-C!

Who would have thought that an incomplete racing game could be so much fun.  Considering that there was only racing in GT5:Prologue, and a decent mix of racing and tuning in GT5 (The actual game), this "build your own race car out of parts you bought off of PSN" game has absolutely no racing at all.  This is slightly confusing in the online multi-player, but we'll get to that later.  The level of customization is like no other game I have experienced.
You start off the game in a parts store (kind of like a Cosco or a really big NAPA) with $50,000 in cash and a list of the necessary parts you are going to need to start your vehicle:
  • Chassis
  • Drivetrain
  • Wheels
  • Tires
  • Glass
  • Body Parts (all sold separately)
  • Engine
  • Everything else
"Everything else" means exactly that.  You have to buy all of the parts for you vehicle.  Windshield wipers don't include the motors to drive them, the drivetrain all has to be bought in every separate piece.  If the car is old enough to need a carburetor, you have to buy all of the little pieces.  You can even buy a manual on how to put the vehicle together.  This can be a little daunting at first, but eventually it ends up completely daunting and extremely tedious.  And then comes the fun part.
The fun part is assembling everything in your virtual driveway.  Depending on the real time of year and your global location determines the weather in the game (sorry Northern Canada).  Remember the manual that you can buy?  That helps a lot when assembling your car by hand.  As a matter of fact, I had to go back to the online store and buy one just so I could get started.  Once I got everything assembled it was time to test it. And what a better way to test your super car than to put it on a testing machine (you thought I was going to say drive it, didn't you).  The testing machine gives the user the complete stat list of their car and then compares it to other users around the world.
There isn't much to the online part of GT5: Epilogue.  It mostly consists of online parts bidding and selling.  You need a carburetor and don't want to assemble it?  Then you can go and buy it.  Don't expect it to be cheap, as a pre-assembled carburetor sells between $50 and $3000.  Did I mention that the only way to get extra money in the game is to buy it?  That's right, if you need $3000 for a carburetor then just give them your credit card and it'll charge three grand to it.  That's only if you aren't outbid by another player in the GT5: Epilogue universe (multiplayer anyone?).  Sounds like someone could make a fair amount of cash by assembling car parts and then selling them for a higher price.  Wrong.  You can do this but all of the money you make stays in the game.  This sounds really lame, but a person gets used to it.  You do get sick of it after spending $12 grand on a car that you can't drive (but that's half the fun!).
  • Let's wrap this up and give it a score:
  • Building really cool cars:  5
  • Having to build every piece of the car:  -3
  • Unlimited Parts:  2
  • Having to pay for all of those parts:  -2
  • Having to pay real money:  -6
  • Cutting Edge Graphics: 2
  • Customizable Soundtracks:  0 (this should be in every game)
  • Taking customization to the next level:  -2
  • Bleeding Gran Turismo fans of all their hard earned money by selling incomplete games before and after the real game has been released:  -4
Total Score:  0
My advice:  Wait until Gran Turismo 6: Epilogue comes out in ten years so all of the bugs can be worked out.

* disclaimer:  This is a fake "review" and should be taken as cynicism and good plain fun.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Assassin's Creed 2 review *

Remember all of the free-running, horse riding, stealth killing "fun" from the first Assassin's Creed?  I do.  The second addition in the franchise is fantastically...the same.The story is slightly different but all of the missions are eerily similar.  So similar that you may need to check the box a few times to make sure there is actually the number 2 on it.   You play an Italian nobleman named Enzio, who looks and acts like Altair from the first game (I do realize they are related, but no two people are this much alike)  The setting is Italy during the Renaissance instead of Jerusalem.  Although everything looks the same (this isn't surprising being as Italy has taken a lot of it's styling cues from ancient Israel) it is a "nice" change.  I also think they are trying to sell more games to Canada.  Ubisoft's newest ad slogan is:  "Assassin's Creed 2- Run around inside a boot!"

There are added bonuses, like being able to kill your horse when you are tired of it and the authorities being alerted when you ride slower than a standstill.  The graphics are amazing and very assassiny.  Ubisoft has outdone themselves with this one.  They showed in demos that everything is "better":  killing, hiding, swimming (you can do that now, which makes it better), free-running and even walking.  The fact that you are still wearing a robe is mind blowingly stupid.  It's been a few hundred years, you think they would have invented pants by that time.  It's really confusing, are you killing people because you want to go to sleep or are you doing it because they woke you up?  And why are you so tired?  Could it be because you are out at all hours of the day killing people for keeping you awake?  It's an endless circle.  Pants would solve the situation and let the Enzio get to his real mission of doing things like wine tasting and pretending to like girls.
You also have a secret relationship with Leonardo Da Vinci, who makes you things for some reason.  Not sure what it is, but it is highly suspicious.

With every "great" assassin story there is always a reason for the assassin to kill .  Enzio kills to get revenge on the people that killed his banker father.  There are a few problems with this.
  1.   Rich kids hate their fathers. 
  2.   Rich kids usually couldn't kill anyone except for the occassional prostitute (and that is usually covered up by their fathers) 
  3.   Bad guys usually kill the children and family of the rich father (this is a good plot line, UBISOFT!)  
  4.   Rich kids that wear robes all day usually stay at home and watch TV and harass the help. 
  5.   NOBODY CARES ABOUT THE STORY! (the last point is the truest of all the points)
Is killing people the best way for one to use his talents?  Think about it.  If I had amazing knife skills I would go into show business, or open a Benihana  (Where dinner is the show).  Flipping knives around and chopping food at lightning speed while throwing seasoning and chunks of food at customers is highly entertaining, the epitomy of fun.  Enzio is really missing his calling here, and so is Ubisoft.  This game should be a chef game called "Cooking Assassin".  That would be a great seller, a number one across the boards in all console and handheld markets. (I should really pitch these ideas to developers)
Enzio is the good guy, right?  It makes sense considering he kills all kinds of people in specialized ways, most of the time with knives.  Wait a it doesn't.  It makes sense if he's a serial killer!  Great, now we're idolizing serial killers.  First Dexter, now Enzio.  Think about it:  He kills in secret.  He has no real friends of his own.  He's really quiet and reserved.  His mother thinks he's great.  He uses knives to cut people up and continues to do it on a daily, if not hourly, basis.  That should add some extra points for review scores.

Let's sum it up and give some review points:
  • Same game, different story:  1 point
  • Assassiny graphics:  2 points
  • Swimming included in this sequel: 1 point
  • Robe:  -1 point
  • Leonardo DaVinci:  no points
  • Father issues: 1 point
  • Unrealistic story:  2 points
  • Having a story line:  -3 points
  • Benihana: 2 points
  • Ubisoft not making "Cooking Assassin": -2 points
  • Serial killer in a game:  3 points
  • Ubisoft lying about Enzio being a serial killer:  -2 points
  • Reviews having a point system: -4 points
Grand total:  0

My advice:  Pick this one up if you want to make up your own mind and really want to play Assassin's Creed 2.  If not, rent it at least one time.  I know I might not.

* disclaimer:  This is a fake "review" and should be taken as cynicism and good plain fun.  Viva La Clancysoft!

Monday, March 2, 2009

Hot or Cold?

Here's one for you: Would you rather be hot or cold? I'm not talking about anything religious, just temperature. Sunburn is probably better to get than frostbite, and burned food is better to eat than freezer burned food. We also refer to overly attractive people as "hot" and when someone does something underhanded it's considered "cold". And being "hot blooded" (romance) is better than "cold blooded" (murder). When you are cold, everything freezes and hurts. You get slower and need to warm up. You also have to cover up and stay insulated from the cold. Being cold kind of sucks. We also associate vacations with hot beaches and not the arctic.

On the other hand, being cold does have some advantages. When you are cold, you can warm up rather easy. Being hot requires that you have someplace cool to go and if you are sweating then that could lead to bad things if you become overly chilled. I also would rather hang out with people I consider "cool" than people I consider "hot". Having a nice cool glass of water is always better that an nice hot glass of water (gross). When you are cold you get to snuggle up in your blankets and get a nice sense of security. When it's hot, sleeping becomes unbearable and is hard to cool down. Also, freezing to death is considered a lot better than burning to death (not that doing anything to death is a good thing).

I guess if I had to choose, the choice would be cold. I like ice water even when it's cold out and enjoy snuggling in my blankets when I'm sleeping. Even at work (the North Slope) I prefer the winter to the summer, and like working outside a little better than inside. I also like the song "Ice, Ice, Baby" better than "Hot, Hot, Hot" (sorry, Poindexter). Be cool everyone.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Helper Dogs Steal Jobs.

That's right, I said it: Helper Dogs take jobs. Think about it. Dogs are trained to see for the blind, help them walk, keep them out of danger, and other things. Things that could be done by hard working Americans. Helper dogs are invading our workforce and doing these jobs for less than the daily minimum wage that a normal American would. I say we need to stand up to the pro-helper dog advocates and let our voices be heard.

Monday, February 2, 2009

My new one week diet.

I'm trying to lose weight. I'm down to about 210 lbs. from 220 lbs. and am trying to lose ten more pounds. Apart from exercising (I did 3 miles on the treadmill followed by a decent lat and bicep workout), I've changed my diet. I've gone almost meatless. The reason that I say almost is because I still need my sausage and egg bagel for breakfast. Other than that it's vegetables, grains, pasta and fruit. I think I'm feeling better and kind of enjoy the challenge of finding foods to eat at work. I have another ten days to go and am excited to see the results. Ice cream isn't part of any meat group, is it?

Saturday, January 31, 2009

Phobia Zombirus

I have an odd thing to admit. I'm afraid of Zombies (re-animated dead guys, and gals). I don't know what it is about the dead coming alive to eat my brains that scares the willies (I did use that word) out of me. Every time I watch a zombie movie, whether it be watching Shaun of the Dead (a love story) or playing Left 4 Dead (a deeper love story) on my Xbox 360 or even reading the Marvel: Zombies comic books, I stay up late into the night deep in thought on the dangers of zombies.

I think this comes from the realization that zombies tend to be more of a viral anomaly rather than beings of magic or mythology. Whether it be from space or from a lab, reanimated dead people are generally a product of pathology and evil. The fact that zombie-ism is basically the most deadly form of rabies (28 Days Later, not 28 Days with Sandra Bullock. Both scary movies in their own right) seems very frightening to me. I often wonder if all of my doors and windows will hold up to my just-dead neighbors, when it does happen (see what I did there). What would I use to defend myself? I'm sure a shovel will do just fine, but what happens when there are hundreds of them (luckily, I don't live in a metropolis.)?

I'm sure I'm just being paranoid, but how can I be sure?