AlteredWeapon.com

  I am clinically depressed.   If you look up the checklist (from  www.uclahealth.org/resnick/checklist-for-depression ) you will find the following list: Depressive mood.  Do you suffer from feelings of worthlessness, helplessness, or pessimism for days at a time? Sleep disturbance.  Do you have trouble falling asleep at night or trouble staying asleep, or are waking up in the middle of the night or too early in the morning? Are you sleeping too much? Chronically fatigued.  Do you frequently feel tired or lack energy? Isolation.  Have you stopped meeting with family or friends? Increasing isolation and diminished interest or pleasure in activities are major signs of depression. Appetite disturbance.  Are you eating far less than usual—or far more? Severe and continuing appetite disturbance is often an indication of depression. Inability to concentrate.  If you can't seem to f...

I always thought that I could be someone great. Whether it be a famous actor, millionaire, business mogul, or anything else. The sky was the limit. Ability was never the issue. I have ability for days. I'm sure you feel the same way. There is nothing that we cannot do, no mountain we cannot climb, no obstacle that we cannot overcome. But that isn't the truth. That is far from it. The truth is that I am lost. Unhappy, unsatisfied, and searching for meaning, I've never been given direction, never been coached, never had someone take the time to invest in my ability. This sucks. If you are feeling the same way, I am so sorry. That is painful. That is the world we live in. But what can we do about it? What can I do? We can share our knowledge. We can give what we have not received. Advice. There are people out there who are in our shoes, only younger. The combined knowledge we have has the possibility of changing a person's life. It can make them successful. It can save t...

Shame. Why do we put up with it? It gets us nowhere. When you realize that the world is chaos, and everything is random, things get better. Be the best person you can be and build upon that. Work towards the person you want to be. You may not get there, but the goal is to be as close as possible.  Be you. Keep moving forward. Get as close to the perfect you as possible. That is success. 

  The end of days, revelations, Ragnarok, the era of Mad Max (before Thunderdome), a large chunk of the universe is obsessed with the concept of the end of the world. Doomsday preparation is an industry in the United Sates and thriving more each day with the advent of the reality shows devoted to it. But what really happens when the world ends in a whimpering of it's former self. I say nothing, because it will never end.   Let me explain: The "world ending" isn't the concept of the actual Earth ceasing to exist and all life on the planet dying (at least with what I am referring to). The concept I am blogging about is the breakdown of society. It's the civilized world going completely to shit and being replaced by chaos on the extreme that it requires gates and guns to be the protection, and savior of everything we hold dear. This comes off to me as a little crazy ("BatShit" is the actual term used in place of "little"), and self serving to cer...

It's cold outside, the wind is blowing, snow is drifting on the roads and I am working.  The world is right where it needs to be and it is going to be all right. Stuck (voluntarily) in the northern oilfields for Christmas makes a person appreciate the world around them and the one that is further away (family). I deserve none of the friends that keep me sane, or the family that is waiting for me to return in a week, but that is what was given to me. I am thankful for all of it. The wirld is a better place today and we are all better people. My hope is that it continues past the holiday, even if it is only a minutiae of the way it is now. Merry Christmas.

I work out of town for two weeks at a time. The nice part of this is the two week vacation that I get every month. Having the money to do so is nice also. Having a job that I enjoy 99% of the time is great. The only issue that keeps popping up is the dread of leaving.   Truth is, I really like my existence at home. My boys are really great to be around (not all of the time, but enough to make it worth while). I never appreciated the calmness and security of being home when I was there every night and weekend. Now I am at work for both of the holidays and it is a stressor. The main thing isn't being gone for Christmas and New year's day, that can be done any time (and it's cheaper after the first of the year). It's missing the greatest time of the year, Christmas vacation. I love just hanging out and existing with both of the reasons that I do what I do. That is all for now.

  I make people laugh, not professionally (unless you count trying to create a fun workplace), but more on a personal level. Having actual jokes isn't my strong point, though I do have a few that I can't seem to recall at the correct times (now being one of those).   Fundamentally funny people don't really tell the traditional type joke. It's more of a play towards the audience or an inside joke from the "comedian" that they share with the rest of us (Thank you, Bob Saget). I try to be more improvisational and cultural knowledge based, with a touch (or dump truck load) of vulgarity and shock value. Misdirection and puns, mostly. Can I be funny when I plan it? The answer is a frightful "no". There are times that I find something hilarious and share with others but most of it is off the cuff.   Why am I telling you this? (if there is someone reading, which I highly doubt.)   The short answer is midgets. The more accurate one is that I need to write ...

It's wierd. I'm sitting at a carwash waiting to make my new truck shiny and pretty, yet I am depressed.  I have no idea why, it should be a pretty good day. I am about to go work out, then grab lunch with the Mrs. Other activities are planned and I like not having the time to wallow in the murkiness of depression.  I tell myself it will be a good day and hope I will induce happiness with exhaustion. Maybe it will be the deluxe wash for my soul.

This is me, wallowing in the awesomeness that God, or whatever supermarket deity, has created. I am at home on a moderately warm Sunday (30º to be exact, or approximate. I don't have a fact checking department. Yet.) Have a fantastic day!

I'M TRYING AN EXPERIMENTAL POST.

Some say that the world is a vampire, I am not one of those people.  Some say life is what you put into it, I am not one of those people.  Some say home is where your heart is, that one is probably true.  Some say you are what you eat, unless what you eat defends itself by eating you.

You don't own a PS3? Buy one.  Play this game!

Welcome to the fast paced world of racing.  This months review is for the much anticipated game Gran Turismo 5's conclusion that wasn't shipped with the game, Gran Turismo 5: Epilogue.  Unlike it's 2 predecessors (GT5:Prologue and GT5) this game includes everything that wasn't included in both editions.  And it's F-A-N-T-A-S-T-I-C! Who would have thought that an incomplete racing game could be so much fun.  Considering that there was only racing in GT5:Prologue, and a decent mix of racing and tuning in GT5 (The actual game), this "build your own race car out of parts you bought off of PSN" game has absolutely no racing at all.  This is slightly confusing in the online multi-player, but we'll get to that later.  The level of customization is like no other game I have experienced. You start off the game in a parts store (kind of like a Cosco or a really big NAPA) with $50,000 in cash and a list of the necessary parts you are going to need to start yo...

Remember all of the free-running, horse riding, stealth killing "fun" from the first Assassin's Creed?  I do.  The second addition in the franchise is fantastically...the same.The story is slightly different but all of the missions are eerily similar.  So similar that you may need to check the box a few times to make sure there is actually the number 2 on it.   You play an Italian nobleman named Enzio, who looks and acts like Altair from the first game (I do realize they are related, but no two people are this much alike)  The setting is Italy during the Renaissance instead of Jerusalem.  Although everything looks the same (this isn't surprising being as Italy has taken a lot of it's styling cues from ancient Israel) it is a "nice" change.  I also think they are trying to sell more games to Canada.  Ubisoft's newest ad slogan is:  "Assassin's Creed 2- Run around inside a boot!" There are added bonuses, like being able to kill your ho...

Here's one for you: Would you rather be hot or cold? I'm not talking about anything religious, just temperature. Sunburn is probably better to get than frostbite, and burned food is better to eat than freezer burned food. We also refer to overly attractive people as "hot" and when someone does something underhanded it's considered "cold". And being "hot blooded" (romance) is better than "cold blooded" (murder). When you are cold, everything freezes and hurts. You get slower and need to warm up. You also have to cover up and stay insulated from the cold. Being cold kind of sucks. We also associate vacations with hot beaches and not the arctic. On the other hand, being cold does have some advantages. When you are cold, you can warm up rather easy. Being hot requires that you have someplace cool to go and if you are sweating then that could lead to bad things if you become overly chilled. I also would rather hang out with pe...

That's right, I said it: Helper Dogs take jobs. Think about it. Dogs are trained to see for the blind, help them walk, keep them out of danger, and other things. Things that could be done by hard working Americans. Helper dogs are invading our workforce and doing these jobs for less than the daily minimum wage that a normal American would. I say we need to stand up to the pro-helper dog advocates and let our voices be heard.

I'm trying to lose weight. I'm down to about 210 lbs. from 220 lbs. and am trying to lose ten more pounds. Apart from exercising (I did 3 miles on the treadmill followed by a decent lat and bicep workout), I've changed my diet. I've gone almost meatless. The reason that I say almost is because I still need my sausage and egg bagel for breakfast. Other than that it's vegetables, grains, pasta and fruit. I think I'm feeling better and kind of enjoy the challenge of finding foods to eat at work. I have another ten days to go and am excited to see the results. Ice cream isn't part of any meat group, is it?

I have an odd thing to admit. I'm afraid of Zombies (re-animated dead guys, and gals). I don't know what it is about the dead coming alive to eat my brains that scares the willies (I did use that word) out of me. Every time I watch a zombie movie, whether it be watching Shaun of the Dead (a love story) or playing Left 4 Dead (a deeper love story) on my Xbox 360 or even reading the Marvel: Zombies comic books, I stay up late into the night deep in thought on the dangers of zombies. I think this comes from the realization that zombies tend to be more of a viral anomaly rather than beings of magic or mythology. Whether it be from space or from a lab, reanimated dead people are generally a product of pathology and evil. The fact that zombie-ism is basically the most deadly form of rabies (28 Days Later, not 28 Days with Sandra Bullock. Both scary movies in their own right) seems very frightening to me. I often wonder if all of my doors and windows will hold up to my just-dea...

Some people are blessed with good luck (or fortune) and some with bad luck (to a point) and some have a pretty even life. I think I fall under the good and bad mix, and I also think that most people do. It seems that everything good that happens (ie: found $10, got a new TV really cheap, had a great week, etc.) the opposite also seems to find it's way in. I would like to say that I'm the only one, but I know a few people that this happens to also. The economy is a good example of the law of averages, sure it's bad right now, but it's been good for the past couple of years and was good before it went down after 9/11. It will go back up, we just have to be patient. I'm thinking that maybe instead of focusing on the negatives that happen, maybe I should deal with it and move on. Maybe those who have nothing but good luck are just good at shrugging the bad off and learn from it and use that to create their luck. I should try that.

After a year long hiatus, and many life changing experiences, I'm back (I'm hoping it will be for good this time, but you never know). I'm hoping to go in a different direction from gaming news (considering the flooding of the gaming blog market and the lack of sufficient funds to buy and review every game imaginable) and give some insight into my brain and life experiences. I may throw some video game "stuff" in there with it (maybe a lot if deemed necessary). I think that the main thing is for me to keep writing and develop a personality that people can relate to. If not, then maybe you can laugh at me and make fun of the things I write (making the world a better place, through insults and humiliation of me.) So, I'll see you tomorrow and maybe have something to say. Maybe a recipe, or a game recommendation, or a story, or just the alphabet (or something else).